Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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