i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
