How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
