I smell stomach acid.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
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