I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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