Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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