she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
