I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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