he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
