just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
