"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
