I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
