Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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