you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
