no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
