I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
