She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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