Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
