Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
