hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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