Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
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Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
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His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
tell me about the eggs
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