you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
