I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
