last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
