I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
