It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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