you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
