3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
