I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
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