I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
my being single is dangerous.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
