I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
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Do I have a choice?
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I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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