he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
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She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
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Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
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