Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
