Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
