You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
