I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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