My hand turned me down
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
