Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
