I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
