No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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