i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
