I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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