I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
