he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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