I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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