I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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