I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
