Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
