ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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