I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
