I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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