So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
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At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
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I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts