The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
