I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
