I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?