Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
honey bunches of taint.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.