new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.