In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We don't watch enough power rangers
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
