Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize