so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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