his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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