I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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