I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
