My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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