Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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