Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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