Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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