I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize