I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
