SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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