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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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