I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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