you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
