Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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