Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
