Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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