how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
