i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
