i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
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He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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