just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
